Exhausted

I called McDonalds last week and told them I could work anything. They won't hire me. I lied on my application and said I don't have a bachelor's degree. I've applied for all sorts of jobs, including ones that would actually use my degree. My beautiful degree that I worked my butt off for. I sacrificed time with my family, birthday parties, going out with my friends, sleeping in, spending alone time with my husband...and so many other things. And let's not even talk about the money. The one thing school did give me was sanity while I was going. It kept me busy, gave me something to working towards. I have to have that!! I need to have goals and work and something to look forward to. It also gave me some great friends, including my best friend. But it sure isn't helping me get a job. Before I had my degree I thought that once I had it I could just go get a job. Boy was I wrong.

Now I am so frustrated. I need money, but not only that, I need something. I was never meant to be a full time SAHM. I mean, I love so much of it and it would be great if Robert made tons of money and we could afford to go do things, but I don't even have a vehicle to take my son places. I do the best with what I have, but it still gets so lonely. I tell people to please call me and come see me and some do, but others don't. Getting my puppy Belle has helped a ton, honestly, she keeps me busy.

I love our home out here, but I have one friend that spends time with me (two if you count my sister, which I do, but she is family) and then my mother in law, but now she has new friends that she hangs out with. I miss my friends back in the city. I miss having a life. I miss school. But my marriage is better out here (b/c Robert has a job and isn't depressed anymore) and I'm healthier because I eat out less and drink less (which is the only good side effect of having no friends to hang out with).

I'm just venting...there really isn't anything I can do. I'm just learning that I can't have it all.