Weight-ing for Thin, Part II

So, I am most likely not going to make my goal. However, I have leveled out. I have not really lost much weight since July, about 3 pounds, but I have been pretty busy.

My new goal is to make it to the gym 2 or 3 days a week, which I have been doing pretty well at keeping up with. When I am at home, I also have new equipment to work out with.

The holidays make it difficult to maintain this goal, but thus far I have done pretty well. If I could just lose another 15 pounds or so by my birthday, that would be ok. I am trying to be as realistic as possible, because I know any let downs are more likely to be setbacks.

I am still trying to be just more active in general, but this is very difficult in the colder months.

The good news is that my healthier lifestyle has been making a huge difference with my health issues and has made my life much easier. I have gotten to the point that I crave excercise.

Right now I am out of town and nowhere near my gym and my body feel all cramped up because I have not worked out since last Thursday. I bought hand weights to do some resistance here, but it is just not the same. I am going home tomorrow, and I will be at the gym!

Making Choices for Yourself

There is something freeing to saying you are no longer going to do things you don't want to, and that you are doing to do what you like even if others don't approve.

The concept is simple, but you might be surprised how often you fall into this trap. Life is too short to spend it worrying what other people may or may not think about you. As soon as you stop seeking approval, you free yourself to enjoy life.

My husband did not approve of a particular outfit I bought. I mentioned it in my previous post, black striped sweater dress with magenta tights. He said it didn't match and thought others would see me as silly for wearing it. I still wore it, because when I had it on with my winter boots, I felt like a rockstar. When I got home from school he asked me if anyone else said anything about my clothes, and I said no, but it didn't matter. When I was walking around campus, I felt like queen of self-esteem and that radiated off of me.

Confidence is your best accessory. Yes, that sounds cheesy, but that doesn't make it any less true.

Another example is regarding Anne Rice novels. For years I got these novels to read because people always told me they loved them. I read one and hated it, but I kept trying to make myself like them because I thought that if I didn't, obviously something was wrong with me. Finally, I let go of it. Now I get the books I like, which is often teeny bopper faerie novels, but it doesn't matter, because that is what I like.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to appreciate what you really enjoy! When you force yourself to be something you don't really feel deep inside, then you are lying to yourself and will be nothing but miserable. Don't apologize for being who you are. If your friends can't appreciate you for the real you, trust me, you can find new friends who will! I did!

Diva Mom

There is something to be said for feeling like queen of your domain. For me, all it takes is a cute outfit, sunshine, and good tunes. On a normal day, my most common accessory is applesauce or snot on my tshirt or sweatpants. Today, however, I am rocking boots, magenta tights, and a striped sweater dress. I hate winter, but the clothes are okay.

Being a diva mom is tough. Some days I don't even get a shower until bedtime, if at all. I don't know how my husband puts up with it, but perhaps he just knows I clean up well.

There are days I make it only as far as the the mail box, but I'm donning makeup. My neighbors probably think I am crazy, but sometimes all it takes is mascara to make my day better.

Why put forth the effort? My sanity, for one thing. Pre baby, house, marriage, and all that comes with it all, my nails were done every two weeks, my hair was professionally colored and styled monthly, and my local Torrid knew me by name. Now, my nails haven't been touched in months, and my hair is colored from a box and gets cut once every few months or so. And Torrid? I don't even know who works there anymore.

Does any of this bother me? Sort of. Like when my husband surprises me with a hot date and my nails are bit down to the quick and my roots are beyond showing, but it really is okay because every time Mo smiles at me, all that melts away.

I have never claimed to be anything less than a diva. Growing up, I didn't have a lot of nice things. I was okay with it, but now I have a taste for the finer things in life. Blame my husband, he spoiled me in the beginning of our relationship.

I will say that I am very good at finding the best deal on the nice things for myself, and others. Sometimes people try to bring me down for liking to look good and have fun tech toys, but I think that as long as I can afford them, it is nobody's business.

I spent a chunk of my life trying to please other people, and that got me nowhere except for miserable. As soon as I decided to take of my husband and son first, me second, and everybody else last, my happiness has skyrocketed.

What it is still like being a woman

Do you know any sexist pigs? I do. I'm related to a few. It drives me nuts.

If God had intended me to stay home my whole life cooking, cleaning, and being a sex kitten for my husband, he would not have given me the brains I possess. I'm not saying that staying home is easy, it takes a special breed to stay home all day. But why does it HAVE to be the woman?

Yes, I am an excellent cook. I suck at cleaning. I'm not saying my house is a mess, but I just do not possess the gift that my husband has to enjoy cleaning. It relaxes him. He is weird, but I love him.

I know many people who think that women should be at home. Ok, I agree. Children do better when they have a parent's care. But, I ask, what about when the child is 18 and strikes out on his or her own? What is the woman to do with her life then?

If she stays home, she is labeled as a "kept" woman even though her job has been domestic all this time. No matter how much work she does around the house, people will still say she is "kept". Now, I'm sorry, but it is not the woman's fault that our society puts such low value on the job we do.

I am not a man hater by any means. I appreciate the work my husband does. However, where did the idea come from that the work we do as women is any less valuable than the work men do outside the home? Yes, men "bring home the bacon", but who cooks it? Who cleans it? Who is up with the sick child all night who ate too much of this bacon?

Some men "help out". And it is appreciated, but even though my husband and I decided before we had a child that things were going to be even, they aren't. If he takes care of our child for any amount of time so I can do homework or go out to dinner with a friend, he acts as if he is doing me a favor. This is how it has been since our son was born. It is not my husband's fault. He has been raised by SOCIETY to believe that it is the woman's job to take care of the children.

Children who are involved with both parents fare better. This is common sense. Yes, a child needs his or her mother, but trust me, they need a father, too.

When I was 16 or so my dad took me out on a date, just the two of us. I had been promised this for a while, but since I didn't live with him most of my life it was hard to set up. We went to St. Louis Bread Co. and to Dairy Queen and drove around St. Louis. I remember it in detail because it was great. I felt special, but I felt cheated because at 16 this was my first time doing this!

My dad would take the boys hunting and fishing and just out and about. Me, I went shoppping with my stepmom, which was great, but not spending time with my dad. If I did go somewhere with dad, my brother was always there. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother, but it is important for children to develop relationships with their parents.

So, I have set the goal that my son will be raised knowing that a household is the responsibility of both parents. The relationship between a man and a woman is to be complimentary. One is not above the other.

Eve was formed not from Adam's foot because she is not below him and not from his head because she is not above him. Eve was formed from Adam's rib because she is to be beside him, a helpmeet.

Helpmeet does not mean "helper" in the way we think, either. It is more positive, leaning more towards an equal, complimentary force for surviving.

Weight -ing for Thin

My entire life I have battled with my weight. However, when I was younger and thought I was fat, I was not. Currently I am pretty darn fat, but have been fatter.

Now I have started changing my life for the better. A few months back I started making healthier choices, being more active, and buying healthier food to keep in the house. While it has been a struggle, my hard work has thus paid off. Since early April I have lost 22 pounds.

Wow.

I really had no idea, either.

I just happened to be weighed at the doctor two days ago, and was bracing myself for a JUMP in number, but when it read 22 lbs less than my last weigh in, I almost fainted.

Then today I thought I would be daring and tried to shimmy into my prebaby jeans. They slid right on! I guess in all the hectic-ness of mommyhood I missed that my diet was actually working!

Now I am pumped! I currrently weigh 7 lbs less than I did when I went to my first OB appt when I was first preggers (before I started packing on the pounds!)

However, my body is still shaped differently. My largest area used to be my butt and thighs, but now my stomach is more flabby than ever. So now that I have more motivation, I plan to go back to the gym and start working on shaping up this smaller me.

My goal is to lose a total of 75 lbs, which still won't take down to my smallest, but it will help me feel healthier. The best news is, I'm nearly one third of the way there! I set my goal date for my birthday (February 17th) of next year, which will be my 24th bday.

Hopefully soon I will feel confident enough to share actual numbers, but for now know that my biggest goal is to avoid the health problems that plague my family, including diabetes and arthritis.

Right now I am struggling though. My health is already not awesome and it is breaking my heart because I decided at what I thought was a fairly young age to change my lifestyle. BUT what is wrong with me is hereditary and has really nothing to do with being overweight. Hopefully the healthier lifestyle will help me manage whatever turns out to be wrong, though.

Most importantly, I acknowledge that I will most likely never be super thin again. However, I do hope to at least be healthy and to be able to shop in the regular not plus size side of the store without looking like a puffball stuffed in too small clothing.

Intelligence

So it has been a few weeks since I last posted.

I was in Illinois staying with my aunt and she has slower internet. Plus, I was quite busy with my kiddo and my cousin's little girl.

I did, however, find time to write a blog. (Yes, actually physically put pen to paper, which happens to be my favorite way to write.)

Here it is:

You know nothing until you have a child.

I love it when teen girls look at me as though I am just the chunky, ditzy chick before them, but I am so much more.

I always think, "I used to be that." AND sometimes I'll even get a pang of jealousy because my body was truly once a size 4 and my now husband, then boyfriend, once worshipped me.

So, for a second I regret so many choices and my stretch marks ache with an ache that is indescribable. But then I look at my little boy and just don't care anymore.

Oh, and more than teeny boppers criticize me. But their words and looks mean nothing when compared to that which is said to me and about me behind my back by people who claim to be my friends, and worst of all, those who are my family.

It does not bother me if they are critical of my weight, I too know I need to lose quite a few pounds.

Criticism of my style, beliefs, or any of those things are not offensive to me and never have been.

However, when people choose to critique the one thing I feel I try my hardest at, the one thing that currently defines me, it hurts like nothing else.

I may not be the perfect mom, but I am better than most I know. If my baby needs me, I'm there. If he is bored, I will burst out in song and dance...yes, even in the aisle at WalMart.

See, I don't care what others think about my personality and my mental stability, as long as my little man is laughing.

Being a mom is hard. Being a stay at home mom is even harder because I don't get a break for days or weeks on end. But all it takes is for my little man to smile and all the world is better and those who don't like my choices can just keep it to themselves!

An Explanation

Ok, so the title of this blog is a bit misleading.

Peoople might begin to read these and think, "What does she have to be "mad" about with just one kid?"

Truth be told, yes my son and husband drive me crazy on a daily basis, but see it isn't like a long ride or anything. I have resided on the edge of crazy town for many years now.

And when I say crazy I don't mean like crazy in a negative way, but more like fun crazy....like Robin Williams crazy not Britney Spears crazy...get it?

So the title "Mad Momma" is actually a play on two things:

1. I am crazy.

2. "Mad" is sort of short for "Maddox"

Oh, that makes sense, right? Just like my jewelry company "Mad Hen Jewelry". I'm genius.

No, really I like things to have meaning or at least a background story.

So when I'm a multi gazillionare from selling tons of jewelry and my blog being syndicated I can tell people the oh so cute story of how I named both....

Hey, this is my blog, I can dream, right??

Boys are Dumb

I understand lesbians.

Boys are dumb.

However, it is nice to be snuggled by a big strong man every once and a while, right? Hmmmm...now let me just think of the last time that happened....

Boys are dumb.

My husband gets mad when I say that, but it is so true.

How else can it be explained that a wife can be super cool and a guy not even try to be super cool?

Why does the woman have to put forth all the effort to plan elaborate schemes for holidays and anniversaries and the guys are like, "Oh, I forgot."

Boys are dumb.

Do we perhaps see a pattern?

Men gripe about how incredibly complicated women are.

Ok, perhaps some are, but I'm not.

I told my husband exactly what to do to keep me happy for the rest of our lives.

1. Make it a point to compliment and thank me at least a few times a week.
2. Bring me flowers or right me a little love note at least once a week.
3. If you come into the kitchen and I'm feeding the baby or doing dishes or cooking dinner, wrap your arms around me and kiss me. (oh, and let me tell ya, all wrongs are forgiven when this happens)
4. When I ask you to do something, please do it in a timely manner. (like installing Microsoft Office on my computer like I asked for 2 WEEKS AGO)
AND FINALLY:
5. On some random day announce: "Honey, you deserve a break. Me and the baby are going out for a while. Don't clean while we're gone, instead drink some hot tea and read a book." Bonus if the tea is already made, dishes are done, and laundry has been changed.

Is that really all that difficult? I'm not one of those wives that gets all worked up over stupid stuff, but seriously, when I tell you exactly what to do....how hard is this???

Evidently pretty hard. Because I then ask the man why he doesn't just do what he asked to do, as I do what is asked of me....he says, "I don't know."

Boys are dumb.

Serenity Now!

I hope and pray that everyone has that one place on this Earth where they can escape to. It is heavenly to know that no matter how bad things get, there is always one place you can go that you feel safe, secure, and content. For me, this place is my Aunt Cris's and Uncle David's house.

When I was little I would spend a couple weeks there during summer, and now as an adult I go as often as possible. Before we got pregnant, Robert and I would try to make it over there at least once a month, calling it "Shafter Bed n Breakfast". There have been many times I've gone by myself and I have even brought some of my friends to my little oasis.

My aunt and uncle have lived on the same plot of land for at least the last ten years. It's about 40 acres in the middle of the American heartland. Driving to their house, you pass a multitude of corn fields and cow patties. They own six horses, I think, at last count and three cows. It's less of a farm though, and more of a ranch.

They built their own custom home a few years back making more room for family get togethers and of course for me and my family to come and stay for the weekend or even a week here and there.

Maddox, my son, loves to go. He loves his cousin Sophie, which is my cousin Skylar's two year old daughter that lives there with them. Of course, Robert and I love Sophie, too!

There isn't really anything special that we do there, it's just so relaxing.

In the winter, we light up the fireplace and watch movies...in the spring and fall we have bonfires out in the pasture...in the summer we sit outside and sip tea while watching the horses.

The new house has a gorgeous gourmet kitchen, which I love because there is nothing I love more than preparing dinner for my whole family.

My cousins got a pool table for Christmas, so I will sometimes go down into the basement and hang out, however, that is considered "the dungeon" and often wreaks of "boy".

Maddox and I are leaving this Saturday morning to stay there for at least a week and I cannot wait!

However, this time will likely be quite a bit different.

Last week my aunt had a hysterectomy, so I am not going just simply to relax, but rather to help her and to take care of Sophie because her daddy works nights. I know we will still have fun, especially having someone to be with all day!

So, for now I am counting down the hours until I get to leave this house that mostly does not feel like "home" and go to the one place on Earth I feel at home.

Finances

I had always dreamed that life would be perfect once I grew up.

I'm not saying that my life isn't wonderful, it is, however it is far from perfect.

Did everybody think they would be wealthy? It's not that I wanted to be wealthy per say, at least I don't now, but I would really just like to be able to pay my bills and buy what my family needs without having to worry. Is this so much to ask?

These days it seems that a college education does not even guarantee you a job. While many people now have these degrees, I think that it doesn't give you the competitive edge that it used to. Now meager jobs (like those I've had in the past) require a bachelors degree and they want to ten bucks an hour!

How ridiculous is it to spend tens of thousands of dollars on a degree to make ten bucks an hour?

Also, these are predominantly female fields (secretarial type positions). Yet the type of "office" jobs men take with the same level of degree seem to pay much more. While the same positions normally pay equal amounts for men and women (well, overall) it seems that those with the same level of education make drastically different amounts depending on their gender.

What does this have to do with anything?

Our economy is in the hole and that still does not make those feel better that are struggling. The fact that ten other families on my street are in the same boat as my family (or worse) does not make it easier when thinking of the future.

What can we do to fix it? Help our neighbors?

I received a cute little flier from my local Christian store a couple weeks back when I went in to get some books, it said that we should make it a point to choose our locally owned businesses over the big corporations (WalMart, Target, etc). I agree whole heartily. And if we had the money the hubs and I would choose local produce over Walmart's, mainly because I HATE Walmart with a passion.

However, we cannot afford to buy everything from local shops. Most people can't either right now and that is what is killing the local economy.

I live in a very accessible area. Everything is within five minutes from my house, well mostly, if not five then ten or fifteen tops. Some businesses over three or four stores within a ten mile radius of my home, some even more. What is this telling us?

1. We are lazy.
2. Convenience rules.
3. Something needs to change.

I was relieved when some of the Starbucks had to close. Goodness, they were starting to pop up on every corner.

Things were going too good for too long, the bubble has been flirting with bursting for quite some time. Now the bubble has popped, everybody is broke, and business is screwed.

The figures came out yesterday that things are only going to get worse through the end of the year. However, President Obama is just acting like we have all the money in the world.

Well, technically we do.

See, all they keep doing is having the fed print more and more money.

Can it be backed up by gold, like it is supposed to be? And China is sick of giving us money because they realize that our dollar is worth nothing. The global market is seriously discussing moving to a new currency, possibly a one world type.

But yet nobody seems to be taking notice. AND those of us who do are considered right wing radical nuts. Well, I guess that's what I am, because I need a real job and there are none out there!

Blogging

A blog on blogging....

How original.

I have a lot of spare time, time which I try to fill with housework...ok, that's totally a lie. What a way to draw the reader in, lie to them!

Ok, so usually I'm playing Mafia Wars or some other stupid game on the computer or watching television.

I do actually do some housework everyday, normally laundry, dishes, and making of the bed. All of these tasks normally begin at 3:05ish because the hubby gets home at 3:50ish.

My son takes up a good portion of my day. He is seven months old and requires much attention, mainly entertainment and food. He loves his food.

I enjoy cooking, but you would not know it by the mass amounts of quick and easy food I purchase. Cooking takes time, I don't have time. Time is very broken by fussy baby. Now, occassionally I will put forth the effort and create a seriously good meal, and then the hubs will come home and inform me that he does not like this meal. Argh. So, I have given up on the domestic diva-ness.

My house stays clean. My family stays fed, trust me, we are fed well. And all is well.

However, I spend most of my day thinking of what to do to waste the time.

Sad, this I know.

So, I figure, why not start a beautiful blog that I can use to reach people, rant, and just have fun with.

This may just turn into ranting, trust me I love to rant and I have a gift for the gab. God has been good to me in the deparment of expression. I overly express.

There are three things my husband knows for sure about me:
1. I can talk very well.
2. I am a clumsy woman (my bruises come from inanimate objects like the coffee table or book shelf, not my husband beating me)
3. I am insane.

So, why not share my pure insanity with the public?

In high school I wrote for an underground, online school newspaper. I wrote cunning articles about society, education, and oppression, my fellow writers penned topics such as "How to Sleep in Class". Evidently I was ahead of my time.

Writing has always been a passion for me. I like to think I have a little talent, but really it does not matter being that very few will probably ever actually see these blogs.

So, I hope you enjoy my new endeavor. If anything, you will at least get the joy of seeing just how incredibly insane I truly am!