what might have been

The hubby and I had a nice lunch today. We had a nice conversation, too. We were just talking and he said that sometimes he wonders what his life would have been like had we not married and had a kid. I asked him what he saw and he said that he would probably be playing a lot of video games, but his house would look much the same. I said he would probably weight 300 pounds, too!

He asked me what my life would be. I said I would probably be about 120 pounds, be living in a beach house with my golden retriever Max and I would have a David Boreanaz look a like boyfriend. My house would be more eclectic, more me. Fresh flowers, canopy bed, vibrant colors, bookshelves everywhere, a breakfast nook just for reading and writing (because I would of course be a writer). I would not have a television at all. I watch a lot of TV, but really only because there is nothing else to do. I could easily live without the thing though.

I could go on and on about my gourmet kitchen and crazy social life, but why? I really do appreciate what I have, but I can't help but wonder how things could have turned out differently. I am fulfilling that "mommy" "wifey" side of me, but that other crazy, eccentric side is crying to get out!

Why can't I have it all? I really don't know. It feels like it has to be all or nothing. I mean, I am a bit eccentric and rebellious now, but only to an extent. I still feel like I could be so much more, but I have to make compromises. See the muted tones of my home, the ever present television...one step at a time I suppose.