Enough is Enough

When do you just throw in the towel? How do you know when you have done everything you can possibly do and it is time to just give up?

I'm sick of playing and pretending and constantly pushing and pushing just to keep things happy around here. I'm sick of trying to talk, offering to listen, and getting nothing back but "It's nothing." I'm extemely tired of no support in my endeavors.

I really think this marriage is making me miserable. I keep trying to grin and bear it, but how much can one person take?

I've tried everything I can do by myself (including the Love Dare book, Elizabeth) and nothing gets better. He's seen this blog and I really think he tries to fake it, too, but I'm starting to think he isn't happy either. Could it be possible that there is nothing left to do?

So, let me report on how the Love Dare book went: I was excited to read it, and even though I'm not religious and there were a few aspects I didn't agree with, the overall message was good. So, I tried it and did everything it said to for a week, but at the end of that week, things were worse! But I kept reading it and following it and trying to do as the book told me, but another week passed and I was in tears b/c I was beginning to realize just how much effort I had been putting into this marriage. The thing was, honestly, most of what the Love Dare book was telling me to do (call my hubby during the day for no reason, not say negative things to him, buy him something special to show I was thinking of him, even praying for him) I had done on a regular basis up until this point. But I finished the book, yay me, and nothing was different. If anything, things are worse. I don't want my marriage to be a bust, but I've realized I can't change him as a person. He is who he is and that is it.

My husband doesn't want to be healthy like I do, so I need to take the steps to do it by myself and resist the temptation of the crap he brings home to tempt me with. He wants to sit on the couch and just watch television all the time, so I need to take the initiative by myself and go and live life without trying to make him come along.

The problem is, I want a partner that wants to enjoy life with me on a daily basis. I want to have fun and go for walks and be encouraged to eat healthy and exercise, if not share that experience with the man I love. Maybe I'm asking too much.

But beyond that, I want someone that is willing to work as hard as I have to hold our marriage together. Is that not alone enough to allow me to question this whole thing?