I told the doctor I have nothing to be depressed about, but that was totally a lie. I do. Husband of mine has yet to look for a new job. I am so beyond frustrated.
And it is so much more than that, he just procrastinates like crazy. Not in a cute way either. I hate it, I really do. I have just ignored this for FOUR years. We lost our house, no we lost our home. I don't mind downsizing, it is nice to live within our means, but it would have been nicer had our means changed instead of our lives.
We decided that it would be more affordable for us to get rid of my car because it needed tons of repairs to make it legal anyway. Driving it makes me nervous because of its issues and the fact that it is not legal. So, I have no car now. I realize I helped make this decision, but it's not like I wanted to make it.
If I try to talk to him in the calmest way possible he suddenly has to do something else. Or he will sit and listen and just say, "I don't know" WTF??? How can you just not know???? I want bigger, better things. I have tried to find a job, but I don't have a degree like he does (yet). I want my son to have a quality education and I don't want to have to worry about bills. That was the whole plan behind him going to school first and finishing. But not a dang thing came of it.
What am I supposed to do? I have eluded to the idea that I could leave him in the past. But he knows I can't now. I have no job, no vehicle, no credit, nothing. Not to mention that fact that I still love him. I love him so much it kills me.
He said everything would be different when we moved. He said that as soon as he got his computer set up over here he would look for a job. He said that we would be happier and do things.
Granted, I have been sick lately (though this could be from all the stress of having a husband that just doesn't give a crap) so we haven't been doing as much as I would like. And I have school and he works. I get it. I really do. But at the same time, how hard is it to put in just a little bit of effort?
I have had friends and family alike tell him or me about jobs for him and he doesn't even glance at them. He'll say, "I'll look at it later. " and it never happens. Seriously, somebody tells me about a job, I am immediately on the computer and applied for it within 20 minutes.
I have asked him what it is going to take, and he has no response. Do we need to end up living in his parent's basement? Oh, no, that will not happen. Not that I don't love his parents, I do, but I have no desire to live out there.
Some may ask why don't I just look for a job for him. I have. I have scoured over job postings and sent him hundreds, only for him to say he would apply later or that he wasn't qualified for the position. So, I ask him, what the hell does he want to do? He doesn't know. Well, he is almost 27 years old, it is time to figure it out. The job he finds does not have to be his dream job, but rather something, anything!!!! I'm not looking for my dream job, I don't even know what that is yet.
Best part: he had his dream job there in front of him, but it was his procrastination that cost him it. It took him about 6 months to hand his resume over to the guy that could have gotten that dream job, and not long after that the company threw up a hiring freeze.
Now I don't think anybody would hire him. He has had his degree for 4 years and done nothing with it. But how could he even know that?
I am so freaking sick and tired of this, but I only have myself to blame. Why did I put up with this as long as I have?
Oh, and the part that is upsetting me a lot right now is that we were talking about trying for another baby starting now, well until now b/c we lost the house and all. So now Robert says he doesn't even want another baby. I do, but....oh, God I can't even put that.
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