I know I can't have it both ways. I don't really even want it both ways. I just want everybody to be happy. and I don't want to hurt him, but that is impossible.
Why do I feel bad? He is the one that put us here. He asks me what I want to be happy and I just don't know. There isn't anything else he can do, really. I told him all along what I needed and he never provided, and now it is just too late. Nothing he could do is enough and I feel bad because this is just wasting his time. Bad is an understatement, I feel horrible.
I have never felt so horrible. But I just have not been in love with him for quite some time and it is getting to the point that I am unnecessarily mean to him because even in all of this he isn't really trying. This is beyond frustrating. I want everything to just be fine.
I feel like I'm crazy. Maybe it is because I still love him, I'm just not in love with him. I'm exhausted with him. Part of me wants to keep pretending, but I can't do it anymore. My emotions are shot. Why does this have to be so difficult?
Merry freaking Christmas.
25.12.10
Merry Freaking Christmas
Posted by madmomma at 15:03
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2 comments:
If you haven't seen the movie Fireproof I recommend getting it. I also recommend doing the Love Dare. Even if you are not in it, make this one last stab. I have it and would be more than willing to send it to you. I just need your address. Love is an emotion and emotions waiver, relationships are work. I have 12 1/2 imperfect years to prove it. Hugs sweetie, I won't push my opinion beyond this moment. I will be praying for ya!
I had thought about doing that before. I saw the movie, and even being nonreligious, I see the value in putting your partner first. I would be more than willing to try it. You're on FB right? I'll look to add you so I can send you my address, if you are still willing to send me the book. I would really appreciate it.
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